You At Your Best: The Story of Louis: Marc Gafni

posted by Gafni assistant

During my first year as a Rabbi in Palm Beach, Florida, there was one Bar-Mitzvah boy I will never forget. Louis was his name, and he was the first child to be Bar-Mitzvahed during my tenure. He and his parents came to my office just a few weeks after I arrived, in what turned out to be quite a disturbing meeting. You see, Louis was not a happy camper. He was overweight, awkward and socially ill at ease. None of these traits are easy for a 12-year-old trapped in the superficiality of a culture that idolized body, grace and cool.

But to add to the taunts of his peers, his parents seemed to be doing their fair share of damage to Louis’ self-esteem. The parents informed me, with him in the room, that Louis was not the brightest kid, and that he probably would not be able to read the usual portion from Prophets read by other Bar-mitzvah boys. They figured that it would be enough for him to recite the blessings and be done with it. In their infinite wisdom, they said this in half-veiled sentences with him in the room. When they left my office I was bewildered, angry and near tears. Perhaps it was his parents’ insensitivity, or perhaps his awkwardness reminded me of myself at his age, but I resolved to do something.

In the ensuing six months I met with Louis approximately 3 times as much as I would have met with another Bar-mitzvah boy. To my extreme delight, I found that Louis had a beautiful singing voice and could do the normal reading from Prophets, but I believed that he could do more. Thus we trained for not only the Prophets but the entire Biblical reading for the week, no mean feat for a 13 year old by any standard. We practiced and practiced and practiced.
Comes the morning of the Bar-Mitzvah. Louis got up, and I tell you that angels carried his every word. He shined! He glowed! The room and the heavens stood still in awe and wonder at the beauty and grace that was Louis. I got up to give the speech that I had prepared, but only one thought filled my mind.

I had to speak directly to Louis. I had to make sure he realized the full magnificence — and significance — of that moment. The whole congregation seemed to disappear as I turned to Louis and let the words flow from my mouth, “Louis, this morning you met your real self. This is who you are. You are good, graceful, talented and smart. Whatever people told you yesterday and Louis, whatever happens tomorrow, promise me one thing, remember… this is you. Remember and don’t ever lose it.”

Several months after his Bar Mitzvah, Louis’ family moved away and I lost track of him. But two years ago, I received a letter from Louis. He had just graduated from an Ivy League university, was beginning medical school in the fall, and was engaged to be married. The letter was short. It read, “High school was a nightmare. Sometimes I didn’t think I would make it through. But I kept my promise — I always remembered my Bar-Mitzvah morning when you said that this is who I am. For this, I thank you.”

The essence of who you are is you at your best.

marc gafni
posted by marc gafni assistant
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