Soul Prints & Parenting

by Marc Gafni

Act 8 – Soul Print Frameworks

What is your original face before your mother and father were born?
~ Zen Koan

Scene 1: Push and Pull – Parents and Poets

A soul print mantra could well be “Follow your Joy.” For in soul print living, events are understood not only by their push dimension but by their pull quality. Push theory explains our lives as determined by a complex web of previous causes. I am who I am today because of my upbringing, heredity, environment, parents, ancestors, etc. Perhaps the most important factor according to virtually all of the push theorists is Parents.

Of course no one in their right mind can entirely discount the power of the push factor in our lives. Yet soul print theory argues that the teleological factor – that is the pull dimension – is ultimately more decisive. I am called to fulfill my destiny, tugged along to my fate. I am following my rainbow as much as I am being pushed by my history. Indeed my case history cannot be analyzed by the classical cause and effect terms of causal history. Rather I must summon to the table the methods of analysis of what one philosopher termed, teleological history. Teleological derives from the Latin word Telos meaning purpose. My life is ever pulled and drawn forward by its unique purpose and direction. My soul print.

In pull theory my soul print is affected by my parents but not formed by them. Parents have a vote in my soul print but not a veto. Nor even for that matter, a deciding vote. The rhyme of my soul is not dependent upon the limited vocabulary of my parents.

If Freud made one overarching mistake, it is that, at least in his major papers, he denied the idea of a unique soul print. For him the impress of personality is made by parents and early childhood. Further, according to Freud, it is made in a fairly consistent manner in every human being. There are a finite and standard set of complexes and reactions which determine the functional capacity of the human machine. Of course since Freud was vitally concerned that psychology be recognized as a science he needed to downplay or even ignore the fact of uniqueness. Science after all is built on universal laws which apply equally to all and can be demonstrated under laboratory conditions. Freud is the ultimate push thinker.

A simple question captures much of the pull school’s objection to Freud.
Have you ever tried to drive a car forward while looking in the rear view mirror?

Biblical myth says you don’t move forward in life by constantly looking backwards.

The view of the horizon through the front window is what drives me in life. And every person’s horizon is infinitely unique.

Freud left a legacy of looking into the past for the root of present problems. And indeed, many of our problems probably are well rooted in our childhood. But so what! Many of our issues have nothing to do with our childhood but are rather pathologies that result from us not living our soul print. Further, let’s say that a whole set of issues are parent related… that doesn’t mean that the cures are. Just because the antecedent is in the past, does not mean the solution is. Soul print psychotherapist, Milton Erickson, to cite one example, was a huge proponent of letting go of the past and focusing on the future.

Most critical however is to internalize the pull possibility that parents do not create children. Rather, in a psycho-mystical way Children create parents.

The biblical masters took this future orientation all the way back to the womb.

According to Lurianic mysticism, the soul of a child, before it is conceived, hovers above, inspecting the landscape of possible parents laid out for her preference. She then chooses the pair who fit to the fulfillment of her soul’s future plan. We choose our parents and not the other way around. We somehow know the task we must fulfill, the fixings of our soul, and with this knowledge we choose the couple who will best help us realize the call of our soul print.

That help of course can come in many forms. It could be in the form of parents who recognize their child’s unique call and help further it in a million ways. Or conversely the child may realize her soulprint in rebellion against everything the parents stand for. Even more complex realities can also present themselves. It could be that the damage inflicted by the parent on the child is the precise soil required to nurture that soul print. Of course that does not excuse the parent. Our issue however is not punishing parents but the dynamics of soul print development.

8:2 ~ The Job of Parents

What is the Job of the parents? Ideally, the goal of the Parent is to provide the child with the Certainty of Being to find their own soulprint. To recognize the soulprint of the child is often beyond the ken of the parent. Stable and loving environment are parental response. Soul print perception may be beyond even their loving scope.

Kahlil Gibran captured the truth of this with his pen:

You may give them (your children) your love
but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

8:3 ~ Letting Alone — like Soil for the Soul

Donald Winnicot writes, in what I regard as one of the most important psychological essays of the century, that the job of a parent is to make the child feel safe in their aloneness. I remember growing up with a great dread of bedtime, a horror of the dark and the terror of being left alone. My mother tells me that when she would tuck me in, I would beg out “Talk! Talk!” Even after the exhaustion of every subject, I would think of ploy after ploy to get her to stay. Finally we would agree that she would sit in the hallway outside of my door until I was sleeping. Such scenes feature in hallways world over. Slowly, lovingly, the parent must move away from the bedside, allowing the alone space into their child’s life. Love is the critical word here. If the child feels loved by the parent independently of all of the parents’ agendas – loved and not used – then he will feel safe in his alone space.

If the parent cannot communicate a sense of loving safety to the child, then this alone space will be terrifying. They will be in constant need of parental presence, and will learn to behave in a way that will insure that attention. The child then begins to be motivated by the need to win the approval of Mum and Dad. This unleashes a dynamic which is one of the great underminers of soul print. Winning behavior, which keeps Mom and Dad close, is repeated time after time until it becomes a second skin.

Eventually, the child — who is US not so long ago – develops a false self. The motivating goal of this false self is to be embraced in that special way by parents who are proud of their kid. This is the hope that if I will be good enough my parent won’t leave my bedside…that the embrace will always be there. The false self is the polar opposite of a soulprint. It is not the self of the child – it is the personae the child sees reflected in the parents’ eyes.¹

Being alone – beyond the reach of the parents’ eyes yet not beyond the reach of their love – is seen by Winnicot as critical to the individuation of the child. It is only under these circumstances that an authentic self can emerge. Winnicot intuitively understands soul print theory. Although he does not phrase it in this language — Winnicot implicitly understands the role of the Parent to provide a safe context for the child to unfold his or her Soul Print.

8:4 ~ Can I make my Children Happy?

The weakness however in Winnicot’s argument is the all too accepted premise that soul print is formed exclusively in the early years of life.

Here soul print pull theory takes issue and suggests that just as baby is born with a DNA code and a finger print the baby is born with a soul print.

The role of the parent therefore is neither to be a decisive factor in soul print formation nor even to bear the essential responsibility of soul print perception. The parent is superfluous in soul print formation for the child is already born with soul print. Moreover the parent cannot be expected to hear the call of the child’s muse. It is after all the child’s muse and not the parents. The sole and critical job of the parent is to provide a framework in which the child feels sufficiently powerful, adequate and dignified to hear the call themselves.

We must all keep in mind that the call of the parent is not the call of the Daimon.

One of the illusions that parents need to give up in order to make this happen is that they are responsible or capable of insuring their children’s happiness. It is simply not true. The empirical evidence for this is overwhelming. We all know kids from genuinely good families who are miserably unhappy, sometimes even tragically ending their own lives. We also know of many children raised in the most unhappy circumstances who are able to build productive, stable and happy lives.

Happiness is – as we said in the immediately preceding theme- a function of whether we are living our soul print and not whom our parents might be.

I am happy if I am living my soul print. I am unhappy if I am living a false soulprint, foisted on me by my parents, or anyone else for that matter. There is nothing more dangerous to children than the unlived lives of parents.

The Poet Rilke writes about parent’s unlived personalities, “Since they have several faces you might wonder what they do with the other ones. They keep them in storage. Their children will wear them.”

If we don’t want our children to be saddled with our unexpressed faces, the most important present we can give them is the alone space to choose their path, to seek their soul, and to make their own faces.

Erich Fromm wrote on this subject that, “The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”

The Kabbalists referred to this loving movement as Tzim tzum. A word meaning contraction or withdrawal. To paraphrase the mystical tradition:

Just as an all powerful God stepped back to allow world to choose, even if world chose against God, so too must all powerful parents step back to allow child to choose, even if child choose against parent.

8:4 ~ “Parents exist to be Grown Out of”
~ John Wolfenden

Just as parent needs to let go of child so does child need to let go of parent. One of the stories I tell most often about children and their parents:

Three Jewish grandmothers sit in Miami bragging about their children. The first says, “My son loves me so much and he is so wealthy that every year he comes to Florida on my birthday and makes a party – for me and all of my friends.” The second grandmother, “That’s nothing, my son loves me so much and is so wealthy that every year on my birthday he flies me and all of my friends to New York and makes the most expensive party you’ve ever seen.” The third grandmother who has been listening quietly cannot resist. “That’s nothing!” she exclaims, “My son loves me so much and he is so wealthy that he can afford to go to a psychiatrist every day…and all’s he does is talk about me.”

About a year ago a well-known magazine with a psychological orientation ran a cover story on children trying to outgrow parents. The feature article was rife with anecdotes about children whose lives have gone awry, explaining why it was the parents fault. I stress however that these were not kids describing physically or sexually abusive parents. The whole point of the article was the difficulty in getting over even normal childhood.

The authority cited to validate the essential approach of the article was Alice Miller in her book Drama of the Gifted Child.

I went out and got the book. I have to say it was the most depressing, and I might add unconvincing book, I ever read. Miller dogmatically asserts that every kid is irreparably damaged by their parents and there is very little we can do about it. By doing so she of course takes Freud to the extreme and hands absolute power over our lives to our parents. In our language Miller would say that parents fully form and determine our soul prints. Of course such assertions remain just that – dogmatic assertions. Somehow however they don’t ring true. Empirically there are just too many kids from complex childhoods who have built great lives. To accept Miller’s dogma would be to give up on our essential ability to choose. It of course is seductive to say its all someone else’s fault, for that frees us from the responsibility of choice. At some point we need to grow up and take responsibility for our destiny. It is never too late.

The essence of biblical myth thought on this aspect of the child/parent dynamic is captured in two short citations.

The first is from the scene of ‘creation of Eve’, “Therefore shall a Man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.” To live in the world, to create healthy relationship, we need to leave mother and father behind and assume the full height of our independent personhood. We need to claim our soul print.

And in another citation, the Psalmist writes, “Mother and Father leave me, and God gathers me up.” This refers not to the tragedy of abandonment and the comforting succor of God in tragic circumstances. It rather describes the necessary and healthy process of development. Mother and Father must leave me “alone” – in the Winnicot sense of the word – in order for me to respond to my call of divinity. And I must let them leave. I must begin that bedside conversation with the Damion that enters the room as soon as my parent steps to the hall.

8:5 ~ I Am All that I have Met

Of course my parents and all that happens to me is part of my growth. It is the light needed to coax my soul print to wake to the dailyness of my life. “I am part of all that I have met,” says Tenysson’s Ulyssses. For Tenysson however that meant that everything which happens to me becomes one more cause which determines my path. True enough, but there’s more. In soul print theory it means – All that I meet in the world is necessary for the emergence of my soul print. All of it helps me respond to the call of my Damion.

8:6 ~ Early Voices

To get to soul print we have to free ourselves from the voices that are not ours.

Even if those voices are wise. Basho the Zen Master gently admonishes us, “Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.”

We need to find our own words. One Biblical wisdom master said, “Anyone who says something in the name of the person who said it originally, brings redemption to the world.” The students ask – “Is this true, often we have said things in the name of the person who said them and redemption has not yet come to the world?!” “No,” explains the master, “you did not understand, often we say things and we think that they come from us, we think it is our voice speaking, when in reality there are hidden voices that guide and pull us.” These can be the voices of our parents, our teachers, of our early caretakers, the voices of friends, of culture, the voices which we seek to please when we should seek our soul. Only by sorting out and distinguishing the voices running through our souls can we begin the process of personal redemption. This is the intent of the myth master who teaches that saying an idea ‘in the name of the person who said it’ – brings redemption to the world. It is this process which allows us to identify which words come from our soul print, and which are foreign invaders, alien to our nature.

Redemption to the world, however, cannot come exclusively as a result of each soul identifying its song. In sifting through the voices, we need to recognize not only which one is our own, but also to see and hear the other voices in all of their richness and range.

To say something in the name of another is to have ‘learned the lines’ of another’s soul print. Peace will come to the world when each person can hear themselves for who they are, without needing to drown out all of the other voices.

Soul Print Practice:

Sort through your speech and your ‘speeches’.

Write out five phrases, ‘sound bites’ or ideas that you have said often. Try to think back to where the idea came from. Who were your influences?

An example of my own *

It is of course parent voices which are so hard to ignore even when it is absolutely necessary for our growth. And for good reason. Our parents are the guides who kept us alive in the world during the physically vulnerable years of our formation. As is well known, human young have a longer dependency period than any other species on the planet. In that sense and more we owe our parents an enormous debt of gratitude. And yet the persistent voice of parents is often a debilitating force in our lives as well. How then to hold the Paradox of parents? I think the way to hold it is in the same way all paradox needs to be held – through laughter.

In the early years of the State of Israel, the entire Jewish community of Yemen was airlifted there. Many of the arriving immigrants claimed tremendous old ages; some of them said that they were a hundred and forty, a hundred and fifty, even a hundred and sixty years old. It seemed hard to believe, and it was impossible to substantiate their claims, for they had brought no accurate birth records with them.

One day, a newly resettled Yemenite Jew appeared in the Tel Aviv office of an insurance broker saying he wanted to buy a life insurance policy. The broker looked at the man, saw he was no youngster, and asked him, “How old are you?”

“Seventy-two.”

“Seventy-two? That’s too old. We can’t sell you a life insurance policy.”

“That’s not fair,” the man answered. “Last week you sold my father a policy.”

“Your father? How old is he?”

“Ninety-five.”

“Impossible.”

“Go check your records.”

The agent checked his records and found to his amazement that the preceding week the man’s ninety-five-year-old father had applied for a policy, that a physician had found him to be in perfect health, and that he had been issued a policy. The agent came back.

“You’re right. We sold your father a policy, we’ll sell you one. But you have to come in on Tuesday for a medical checkup.”

“I can’t come in on Tuesday.”

“Why not?”

“My grandfather is getting married.”

“Your grandfather is getting married? How old is he?”

“A hundred and seventeen.”

“A hundred and seventeen? Why is he getting married?”

“His parents keep pestering him.”

It is a parent’s part to pester, but not so loudly and not for so long that the child loses the ears to hear the pestering of her own soul.

The opposite scenario is not funny but tragic. How many of us could not marry someone we thought we couldn’t bring home to our parents. I have a student and friend who went out with a lovely woman for two years. At the end of the whole process he broke with her – met and got engaged to someone else in three months. He had not sought my advice and was already engaged so I held my peace although it was clear that the woman he was about to marry would never be the soul mate he deserved.

Several years later on a late night we had a moment of grace in conversation. One of those rare times when all masks are off and the talk is straight and pure. I asked him why he didn’t marry the first woman. He said to me, without batting an eye – “Back then I thought it was because I really didn’t love her. Only now do I realize that actually I did love her – but I couldn’t marry her.” “Why not?” I ask. “I gotta admit it, I was embarrassed by her Mum and Dad. I couldn’t bring her parents home to my parents. They wouldn’t have been proud of me.”

I didn’t respond but I walked home that night crying for my friend.

Voices play unconsciously in our head however, even if the person has long died or otherwise exited from our lives. How many of us have been afraid to reach for our best because hidden early voices of parents, teachers or peers made us believe we weren’t good enough?

8:7 ~ Tradition??

Parents’ voices are important as are the voices of societal ethics, teachers, healthy religion, and friends. It is however when these voices remain hidden, when were not able to hear them clearly and recognize them as voices separate from our own- that we get in trouble. We become crippled — unable to live our soul print. Personal redemption, teach the Talmudic wisdom masters, occurs only when I am able to say that which I say in the name of the person who said it. True growth is when I am able to distinguish my voice from all the other voices that would usurp the integrity of my soul print. I need to be able to find my voice among the calling crowd. Then and only then can I achieve that breakthrough which Biblical consciousness calls personal redemption.

When the master died his son assumed the mantle of leadership. However, much to the chagrin of the disciples he changed many of the time-honored practices of his father; some of the older students approached him to complain.

What do you mean asked the master – I am in fact doing exactly as my father did! Seeing the looks of consternation on the disciples’ faces he went on. When my father became master he changed many of his fathers practices. Thus I am doing exactly as my father did.

My grandfather used to say in the name of his teacher who received it from his teacher who received it from Mendel the Master of Kutzk. Everything in the world can be imitated except truth. For truth that is imitated is not truth.

8:8 ~ Tradition!!

And yet we need to receive from our parents. Without a tradition of values, ethics and wisdom each generation would have to re-invent itself. The core biblical myth idea of progress would be hopelessly undermined without such tradition. Moreover just like flowers we need a connection to the soil of our birth lest our souls wither and die. Cut off a rose from the bush. The first day, it looks grand in its new vase, standing tall on the living room mantle. The second day it still stands tall but if you look closely you may detect a worried edge in its mood. By the third day of course the rose has begin to wilt, the desperation is not obvious and it is not long before the rose is dead.

Yes we need to find and affirm our own voice but in relationship to all that came before us…including parents and grandparents. I know this may be unpopular but one of the things that drives me craziest about the states is Florida. Now I love Florida but it always makes me a little sad. Over a million grandparents live in beautiful senior living communities. Gorgeous spots they are, activities, friendship, community – but not family. No kids in any of those communities. Which means that up North there are another few million adults who don’t see their parents very often. And many more millions of kids who hardly see their grandparents. Masses of elderly, most fully active, vibrant and alone.

8:8 ~ The Covenant Between Generations

At the end of the Hasmonean dynasty in Ancient Israel, there lived a holy man. We met him at the beginning of our journey. Remember, the Rip Van Winkle of biblical myth. His name was Honi the Circle Drawer…lets retell a snippet of his tale.

One day Honi saw a man planting a carob tree and asked him, “How many years does it take for this Carob tree to bear fruit?” “Seventy years,” responded the man. To which Choni retorted, “Do you think you will live another seventy years and reap its fruit?”

To which the simple man responded, “I am planting the tree not for myself but for my Grandchildren.”

In the inner imagination of Biblical myth consciousness, planting trees – particularly carob trees that take seventy years to bear fruit – is about Grandparents and Grandchildren and the messages they send each other.

But what is the message? What is the content of this dialogue between generations?

8:9 ~ Tell them that I was here before

Let’s listen in on another story unfolding some eighty generations after the time of Honi the circle drawer.

The Master Aaron the Great of the Karlin-Stolin school lived a hundred years after the Baal Shem Tov, Master of a Good name, founder of the powerful Kabbalistic movement called Chasidut.

Every school in Chassidut had its own path in the service of God.
In Karlin-Stolin they would yell, cry and scream at the top of their lungs during prayer. They did this to remove all thoughts from their minds which could detract from their complete focus on God during prayer.

In Karlin it was also the custom to pray the afternoon service very late, sometimes not beginning until long after the time prescribed by the law. The Karliner Master, Aaron the Great used to say in explanation of this deviation from the law — “When I come before the heavenly tribunal, if God asks me, why I was always so late in praying, I’ll ask God why is he so late in bringing the Messiah.”

One afternoon Master Aaron says to a few of his disciples – “Hitch up the horses, we are going on a Journey.” “But Master,” they respond,” it’s almost dark, we need to pray the afternoon service.” “No matter,” responds the Master, “We will pray when we arrive at our destination.” And so they begin to travel – an hour, two, three go by…it’s long after dark. “Rebbe, it’s almost midnight we need to pray.”

“In the next village” says the Master “there we will pray”. They soon arrive in the next village and the Master shows the way to a very small home on the outskirts of the town. A very old man opens the door.

“May we pray the afternoon service in your house?” asks the Aaron.

“Please, I would be honored,” responds the villager.

And so it is close to midnight when Aaron the great and his disciples begin to pray the afternoon service. So ecstatic is their prayer that they forget the hour completely. They pray as they always do – screaming, yelling and crying at the top of their lungs. All the peasants in the village wake up, thinking that a fire has broken out. Toting buckets of water, they run towards the house where the disciples pray.

When they get there they realize that this fire which was enveloping the house was not a fire of destruction but a fire of healing.

The peasants, moved by the passion and purity of the disciples’ prayer, begin to pray with them, also at the top of their lungs.

By the time prayers are over the peasants realize that these were no ordinary people. So they went to their homes and brought all sorts of food and drink to honor the Master and his disciples. And all of them together, the master, the students, the peasants and the old man, all ate, laughed and sang together through the night. A holy feast – it was as if the Messiah had already come.

When morning finally rolls around the master of Karlin and his disciples get back in the wagon, ready to return to Karlin.

Just then the Master turned to the old man who had been their host – and says, “I came here because I was feeling confused; I prayed, and somehow knew that I had to come here – that you would have a message for me.”

And the old man begins to speak…”Aaron,” he said, “today is my 107th birthday. Exactly 100 years ago, on my seventh birthday, a man came with his followers to this very same place. He dressed differently than you and he spoke with a different accent. He even prayed differently than you did, but he too came at midnight to pray the afternoon service. And he too aroused the peasants to pray and feast with him. And before he left he put his holy hands on my head and looked into my eyes. “In exactly a hundred years from now,” he said “a holy master will come with his disciples to pray the afternoon service at midnight. He too will arouse the whole village to pray with him. Please…” said the Holy Man – whose name was Israel, son of Eliezer – the Baal Shem Tov, “Please; tell him that I was here before, tell him that I was here before.”

I love the story because it is about tradition. It is about asserting my soul print independently of all who came before me. Aaron prayed differently, danced differently and even talked differently than his revered spiritual grandfather – the Baal Shem Tov. Yet he knew all the while that his Grandfather walked this path before and prepared it in love for him. “Tell him that I was here before.”

The carob is about the covenant between generations. The links between generations are complex. There is no promise of doctrinal loyalty or even full normative continuity. There is only a promise of engaged presence. I know, says the grandson, that everything does not start anew with me. I do not promise to agree but I promise to listen. I know you were here before. Thank you.

This textured nuance of the covenant between the generations is captured most elegantly not in formal doctrine but again – in one of the primal cultural symbols of the biblical myth tradition. The page of Talmud. The Talmud is the major text which interprets biblical myth. Every page of Talmud contains three major texts. The central text both spatially and existentially-placed right in the middle of the page – is the Aramaic text of the Talmud itself. Other right side of the page-always near the binding is the interpretive commentary of Rashi, a 12th century myth master. On the left side is Tosofot – a school of thinkers who take issue with virtually every major position put forth by Rashi on the page – positions on matters theological legal and moral. The stunning paradox of continuity however lies in the fact- nowhere stated on the page, that the writers of Tosofot were Rashi’s grandchildren. The old Grandfather and his grandchildren arguing passionately across the boundaries of time. The only commitment – a promise of presence – to both remain present on the same page. A covenant between the generations. Tell them that I was here before.

8:10 ~ The Fruit of the Carob Tree

At every juncture in our lives we are both grandchild and grandparent – leaving messages for those unborn and receiving the messages that were left for us. Master Nachman of Bratzlav- the nineteenth century Kafka of Chassdiut – writes, “Sometimes in one generation there is a question with no answer. In a later generation there is another question asked – again – with no answer. The second question however may well be the answer to the first – or vice versa.”

Ultimately that is why in Biblical myth the first master is Abraham. He wasn’t the first to worship one God. He wasn’t the first, nor the only, to know a truth. But he was the first personality in the Biblical myth who succeeded in transmitting his values and passions to not only his child but to his grandchild. He was the first one who succeeded in leaving a message for his grandson – ‘Jacob, sweet lonely and confused Jacob, I WANT YOU TO KNOW – that I was here before.’ And Jacob is the first Grandchild who eats the fruit of the carob tree – He receives the message and passes it on. Beginning the never-ending story of the generations.

What a splendid tension and balance; On the one hand receiving all that the generations have to give, us including parents and grandparents. On the other hand, freeing ourselves from Parent’s voice and finding our way independently to the majesty of soul print.

Yes – we all need to be recognized by other; we all need to receive and to be received by other. However we can only be the other doing the receiving when we recognize ourselves, when we receive and rejoice in ourselves. We can only imprint our soul on another when we believe deeply that we have a song to sing that no one else can sing, that we have a poem to write that no one else can write.

8:11~ Giving up on Soul Parents

Twice Abraham the first father of biblical myth receives the call “Lech Lecha – Go to yourself.” Twice Abraham sets out on a journey in response to the call. In the first story he is called to leave behind his land, his birthplace and the house of his father. Mystically these three places are understood to refer not to actual relationships but to oppressive psychological realities. Surely Abraham called his father a couple times a week even after he left home for Canaan. However he needed to leave behind all sorts of issues from his childhood. While his parents could not determine – they could deter the healthy flowering of his soul prints petals. He needed new soil from which to be nourished.

This is one form of spiritual journey. In this model we do not go back to work out all the complexities of childhood. We simply leave them behind, unresolved, choosing to focus our energy on future growth instead. There is however a risk in leaving childhood behind. We lose the excuse it offers!!! That is the risk of responsibility for unfolding your own soul print. As long as we have childhood to hide behind we can to some extent avoid responsibility for our choices. In choosing to leave it behind we risk losing a rationale for our stagnation. If I spend my whole life working out my childhood then on some level I have granted my parents the lion’s share of my soul print energy. Now of course childhood is not always but an excuse and indeed it does sometimes mitigate responsibility. But as a society we have overdosed on the drug of parental blame. We need to reclaim our core ability to choose soul print – no matter where we came from or who raised us. It is that very ability that makes us great.

8:12 ~ Giving up on Soul Print Children

Abraham, however, sets out a second time in response to the Lech Lecha call. The second story is referred to in literature as the binding of Isaac. (p.s. – not a good bedtime story to read your kids.) At the beginning Abraham has with him two trusted companions and his son. As they near their destination he turns to his companions and says, “You wait here, I and the lad (Isaac) will go on alone. Later we will return to you”. To achieve soul print Abraham needs to be willing to risk leaving the society of men behind, even if but for a time. He climbs the mountain with Isaac. To reach his destination, according to the story, he must be willing to sacrifice his son and remain there, alone, on the Mountain.

Clearly an ethical universe or an ethical God could not want him to kill his son. The passage is symbolic. To respond to the call – “Go to yourself” – you need to be willing to remain on the mountain alone. The idea of the story is that you must be careful not to confuse society, or even your own child, with your own soul print. As my wife Chaya aptly writes:

Go to yourself and no one else
for to put another upon a pedestal
is to put your self on a shelf.

To find your Abraham, your soul print, you need to give up even the very seductive temptation to define yourself through your children, through your Isaac.

However, the wonderful paradox of the whole thing is that by connecting to our soul print we reconnect to Isaac. At the moment that Abraham shows himself willing to risk losing Isaac on the altar of his calling, he hears a deeper voice saying — “Do not sacrifice your son Isaac.” ‘From a place of soul print you can indeed love him all the more’. In the paradoxical reciprocity of reality we only really have what we are willing to risk losing. If you love it you can’t lose it…let it fly away and if it belongs to you it will come back. Abraham descends the mountain and rejoins society – empowered and re-vitalized by his encounter with soul print. Abraham and Isaac develop the closest of relations between parent and child.

Now that Abraham has fully responded to his Lech Lecha – to his call – he is capable of full relationship.

FOOTNOTES

1. We will return to his dynamic which I call the Hug Formula, in Movement…Theme…

-Marc Gafni