Giving in Love: Part Twelve: Marc Gafni

Give First, Love Follows

“Giving is not only the litmus test of love; it also leads to love,” teaches the holy Baal Shem Tov. “If you want to be loved, be a lover.” Raised on the love ethic of western capitalism, we view love as the necessary prerequisite for caring. Only when you love someone will you be ready to really give to them.

For the Hebrew mystics, it is precisely the opposite. Don’t wait to be a giver until you are a lover. Be a giver and you will become a lover.

In the act of giving to an other, you invest yourself – literally! – in them. They become, in a small way, part of you. This allows you to focus on them in a far more concentrated and sustained fashion.

Focus creates attention and listening, which is, of course, the essence of perception. Since love is at its core a perception, then giving is both the essential expression of loving as well as the path to loving.

marc gafni
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