Giving in Love: Part Nine: Marc Gafni

Dedicated to Lord Bruce and Lady Mary

One of the great Biblical loves is that of Jacob for Rachel. The scene where Jacob, having left fame, family and fortune behind, meets Rachel at the well is well known. He loves her, kisses her and cries. Love and kisses we understand, but why does Jacob cry?

One teacher, 11th century sage Rashi, from Northern France, explains that Jacob cried because he had no presents for Rachel. It didn’t matter whether she needed the presents or not. When you love you have an enormous desire to give. That, for the Hebrew mystics, is the great litmus test of loving.

For the average person, it is painful to give something up. For the lover, it is painful when she feels she has nothing to give. The lover longs to incarnate her love in gifts — small deeds filled with great love.

Lao Tzu captured it so well when he said in his typical understated style, “Kindness in words creates confidence; kindness in thinking creates profoundness; but only kindness in giving creates love.”

marc gafni
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