A Brief Response to Some Voices in Jewish “Leadership”: Marc Gafni

marc gafni
posted on marcgafni.com
please share comments on info@marcgafni.com

Hi friends,

Good Morning here in Salt Lake City. I am on my way to Ca. this morning to spend a week with a group of friends, spiritual teacher types, some great rabbis, and other folks, to vision together what we would like to share in the world in coming years.

Before I leave I need to send my a letter to some friends inviting people to visit the website.

I am sooo bad at writing short letters. My assistant said, keep it short, four lines.  As usual I got confused and thought he meant four pages. Part of it is a brief response to some Jewish leaders who have written and acted in ways, that are in my experience, a sad violation of love and integrity.

I send them all my love and need, for integrity’s sake, and for the record, to register my objection. Objection your honor! Sustained!

So I have excerpted part of the note that is being send today to share it with you.

Wishing you the most gorgeous day ever!

Shalom Chaver…

…….

Response to some voices in jewish “leadership”

Several people, some of them “leaders” in the Jewish community, have written comments on my life, both in public and private, which are radically untrue.

They have acted, talked and written, without checking the facts–facts which myself and well respected feminist and rabbinic leaders in my circle have offered, in direct communication, to make available to them.

In short, these commentators have not seen the extensive documentation available. This has allowed them to justify their previous wrong attacks on my integrity.

Some of these “leaders” have then projected their own shadows outward and in a frenzy of domination, accused anyone who dared opposed them of every manner of sin.

Sad but not unexpected or even surprising…

I have made mistakes. I have been wild, sometimes boundary breaking, sometimes wrong in relationship choices and at times have made decisions that did not reflect my highest self.

This is true of many of us in leadership positions, including many leading Jewish leaders today, and it is true of most of us as human beings.

Where possible and appropriate I have asked forgiveness. I have – in clear public statements– taken responsibility for my part in the contribution system that created the events of more then two years ago.

Yet what my actions bear no relationships to the characterizations put forth in certain circles which have found malicious expression on certain hate blogs and even otherwise respectable web sites. Oh well:)

The demonizers have hidden behind what seem on the outside to be sexual issues, in order to let the full range of their own lack of wholeness run free. This lack of wholeness found expression in venomous shadow acting out, many forms, disguised as “protecting the women” or some other noble intention. For the most part I would imagine, disguised not only from the public but also even from themselves.

Many of these leaders are afraid of their own shadows, sexual shadows, ego and power shadows, malice shadows and more. When we cannot own our own shadow we almost always project in on someone else.

I have received a series of phone calls in the last two years urging me to attack my attackers and reveal the unconventional sexual behavior of some of my attackers. I refused to so when I received these calls, and refuse to do so now. To expose someone else’s private sexual practice {when we are not talking about genuine sexual violation} and to cause great damage and suffering to people, their families and institutions, is not a genuine option. Even if they are people that hurt me badly. Being hurt or even devastated emotionally does not justify, lashing out to hurt or socially murder one’s attacker, even if one can righteously rationalize it.

This is particularly so when the issues are far more murky and complex and the people calling me are clearly driven by complex sets of motives of which they themselves are often unaware. Thus for me to support their desire to inflict pain or destruction, even if disguised with righteous rhetoric, seems at this point, to be grossly wrong. I do not wish my attackers, nor their families, institutions and movements any suffering or pain.

I am however growing a tad tired of their demonization of me by these folks. It is simply getting boring.

Demonizers are virtually always driven by the inability to own the demonic in themselves.

Demonizers can never hold complexity, multiple perspectives or even the simple truth when it interferes with their conscious or unconscious agendas.

Demonizers can never allow for the unfolding, growth or evolution of the other.

Empirical facts rarely cool the intensity of their malice or the poison darts of their words and actions.

Troy did not fall because Paris prince of Troy, slept with Helen of Sparta. Troy fell because the Greek King Agamemnon, driven by abusive ego and ambition wanted to destroy Troy. Helen was not the reason but the excuse.

This is what Patriarchy has always done. Abused women in so many ways. Sometimes through overt sexual abuse.

Sometimes by denying the dignity of feminine desire.

At other times by casting women as powerless and victims when in fact they were autonomous and powerful.

Or at still other times, patriarchy hides behind the veneer of “protecting the women” in order to let the full viciousness of male shadow, driven by disowned envy, malice, insecurity and fear, run amok.

In doing so patriarchy, while claiming to protect women, abuses women again and again. Hidden however under noble and righteous guise.

Finally patriarchy abuses and infantilizes women by refusing to recognize the full presence of feminine shadow.

In the secret heart of patriarchy, populated by men who have not evolved, men are demonized and thought predators while women and groups of women are virtually always cast as virtuous, honest, and in need of male protection. A portrayal that invites mockery and disdain from any honest woman.

When patriarchy colludes with feminine shadow to accomplish its own shadow agenda, specifically by recasting sexual relationships governed by mutual power, affection and desire, as abusive relationships, patriarchy itself is engaged in what can only be termed Sexual Abuse.

Patriarchy in this mode becomes Sexually Abusive, that is the abuse of sexuality, which in the teaching of Hebrew mysticism, is no less then the defilement of the holy of holies.

In the words of the sage Akiva, all the books are holy, the Song of Songs, the biblical book which experiences spirit in terms of the erotic and sensual, is holy of holies.

These leaders, some of whom, who would sit and talk in a heart beat with the Hamaas terrorists in Israel, who justify Bin Laden at every turn, refuse to sit and talk with their own colleagues who disagree with them on the matter of “Gafni”, let alone to God forbid engage in simple decent and direct dialogue with Gafni!!!!

At the same time some of them deploy a frenzy of domineering McCarthyite like tactics to silence any and all opposition.

I have received numbers of calls of people who described the atmosphere of fear and intimidation that any in these circles who would dare oppose the party line is subject to..

Many power feminist writers, including Daphne Pattai, Bell Hooks, Laura Kipnis, Cathy Young, Katie Roiphe, Camille Paglia, and Phyllis Chesler, have already described the atmosphere of intimidation, violence and abuse that dominates the discourse of an abusive male patriarchy colluding with a no less abusive victim feminist establishment.

Two women, representing many others, well known young teachers, whom I do not know personally, called me recently and said that they and her friends were “quashed” and “violently dominated”, when two years ago, they tried to express a countervailing view to that of the leadership who condemned me and left me to die, without bothering to call or talk to me.

As an aside, there is a myth out there that the board of my Israeli institution met and conducted an investigation, and on that basis decided to oust me from my Israeli organization. This is a blatant lie. Bayit Chadash in Israel had no working board. Rather there were a group of people who had lent us their names to file the necessary papers. The organization was run by myself and my partner. The “board” was on paper only; we had intended to create an active board but it had not yet happened. it had never held even one meeting. The only meeting it ever held was the meeting at which I was not present in May 2006.

The board had no mechanism for decisions. It was used in this case, in virtually the only meeting it ever had, merely as a fig leaf. Not only was I not present at this meeting, but those who gathered the meeting had not spoken to me. There was no process of talking to both sides, no investigation, no process of fact checking, no due process of fair enquiry, indeed on enquiry at all which spoke to both side of the conflict, none whatsoever. To this day that remains so.

I do have approximate transcripts in sworn affidavit, retained by my attorney, of what went on at this meeting and at the subsequent public meeting on the same day. The amount of lies told, the level of mis-statements, which are not merely false but verifiably false are astounding.

The decisions of that day were taken by a small group of people in an ethical and informational black hole, driven by fear, self protection, and for at least for some, apparent malice.

There was on that day, no fairness, no integrity of process and worst of all, it feels like on that day fear trumped love.

Sadly, this is not exceptional. The literature is filled with dozens of cases of false accusations by group of people, particularly women who have all decided to use a particularly hermeneutic to retroactively re-interpret their experience, who are supported by groups of men who for whatever sets of reasons want to undermine a colleague or competitor. It is an old and tired story.

Kind of crazy but there you have it.

Instead of displaying spiritual leadership and creating a container for truth, for all perspectives, and for the highest in everyone to emerge, some Jewish spiritual leaders have refused, for two years to speak directly to both of sides of the conflict in which I was engaged.

None the less they have literally lied about this – time and again – claiming directly or through proxy to have carefully looked at all sides, in order to cover up the shameful fact that they have never spoken to me or examined the extensive documentary record that supports my assertions in the controversy section of this website.

The record shows that the relationships in which I engaged were with awake, powerful women, who in their words, felt that I “honored their sacred autonomy”, loved and respected them. The documentary record is not merely one of loving exchanges. It indicates the women initiated much of the sexual dimension in the relationship with the full audacity and dignity of feminine desire. It indicated as well that the women were fully awake, engaged, and fully aware at the time, of the fact that the relationships were not exclusive.

The record indicates beyond a a shadow of a doubt that I – in no way what whatsover, sexually harassed anyone. It shows not only the loving and affectionate nature of the relationships, it also shows that no promises were broken, no deception deployed to gain sexual engagement, and that all sides in the story held significant power and vulnerability.

All of this is validated in hundreds of communications, other forms of investigative evidence which has been gathered, and polygraph. That has been more then enough for any and every fair-minded person who has examined the issues.

Despite repeated offers make by many parties, these leaders have refused to directly hear both sides of a story. This simple elemental requirement of decency and fairness has been ignored. This is sadly, a sure sign of the malice and ill intention driving the shadowy players behind the scenes who, while keeping themselves hidden from the public eye, have done their “Iago” work.

The Iago energy, as Shakespeare reminded us is, driven by its own emptiness and hurt, dedicated to killing love that it cannot own or does not satisfy its own grasping or feed its own hungry ghosts. It opposes healing at all costs and can never give up being right!

These ostensible leaders, have in my view betrayed their own integrity and the trust of the community. While not unexpected, it is sad beyond measure.

Where do we go from here? I am walking away. If not further attacked this is my last word on the subject. But i am tired of being falsely vilified by people not owning their own stuff. As I said above, it is getting boring. If further attacked I will not be silent.

Like many teachers of a certain ilk, I have been privileged to love and be loved. I have had literally thousands of professional encounters with students and colleagues which have been nothing short of gorgeous. I have also – throughout my life also aroused a small group of those who projected all of their shadows onto me.

On one level this may be because the parts in me that were not whole provided the hook for their shadow projections. On another level it may be because my very existence and being called them on their own shadows. Probably it was some combination of both.

Some of these folks have made great attempts in the last period of time to demonize my entire life, fabricating or distorting all manner of sin. They refer to is as “death by a thousand cuts” It is almost as if they say to themselves; “well the complaints in Israel do not seem to have done it; he is still alive and kicking; let’s go and demonize his while life now….” Deploying the age old tactic of the big lie, they go about their nasty business.

I wish them well. I am just curious about one thing? Are your lives that empty that you have nothing better to do?

damm:)

I have offered up every manner of heartfelt private and public apology, wherever that was possible and appropriate. I have taken responsibility for whatever my part was in all of this, for any way that my own lack of wholeness contributed to this tragedy of more then two years back. I have kept my heart open through the blackest of times, open to love and to healing and to any path which might lead to Tikkun. I have not named or attacked my attackers in any way that might personally harm them or their ability to function in the world. I have, in every way that I know how, tried to take the high road and to act from my most enlightened self.

I have only to admit one thing in closing. I still love all of my attackers. I am however a bit angry about this whole thing. But angry does not mean hate. Anger includes love.
marc gafni
posted on marcgafni.com
please share comments at info@marcgafni.com