Eros and Perception: Marc Gafni: Part VI
Elevators and County Fairs
Love is a perception, to be loved is to be seen. I remember when I was a kid, little, scrawny, not worth a moment’s notice by no one or no thing – or so I thought. It was the Bexley Fair. I was there with my parents and brothers who were otherwise occupied. I had wandered off — as kids are wont to do — seeking amusement or at least distraction. And there Distraction stood, draped in a long suit of glitter — a six foot circus clown. He was — as clowns are wont to do — amusing a crowd of candy-sucking, entertainment-hungry, fair goers. Being scrawny, I squeezed my way towards the front and crouched down so that I could look up at the glittery spectacle from between people’s legs. And from that crouch I watched and whooped with laughter along with everyone else.
When the show had reached its finale and the clown was about to quit his stage, he looked down. He locked eyes with mine. They lit up with a great warm smile. Perhaps I amused him, sitting there, a scrawny thing crouched on the ground. Perhaps he pitied me, or perhaps this was just part of the act. Whatever the case, he held out his shimmering arm and motioned for me to stand up and join him. Surprised, terrified, delighted I stumbled out into the center of the circle. With a great extravagant gesture, he pulled out a large red envelope and handed it to me. I opened it and read, “Free Ice-Cream – All YOU Can Eat”. I was sure it was either magic or a miracle. “For me?” I asked dumbfounded. “For you — and no one but you,” the clown said, grinning into my bedazzled eyes.
I bounded back to my family to show off my newly won ticket to ice-cream paradise. So what if the three double scoop cones left me sick in the morning? I had been seen. By a jumbo circus clown no less, who had looked out into the crowd and seen ME. From then on out, I had a habit of lingering around fair grounds, hoping to duplicate that magical encounter. Well, it never happened again. But it had happened once, and that was enough.
It’s the kind of moment that makes a person want to go to clowning school, just so that somewhere along the way you could change some scrawny kids self-perception. But we need not don a clown suit to peer into a crowd of faces and perceive the divinity of a person’s uniquely gorgeous soul. We don’t need to give out free ice-cream on the street, but we do need to give out all the love and attention our eyes can muster. We do need to master the art of erotic perception.
marc gafni
posted on marcgafni.com
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