Searching for Eros in All the Wrong Places: Marc Gafni

Exile Within an Exile

In the language of kabbalists, we are now in an exile within an exile101. The first exile of the Shechina is the exile of the erotic into the sexual. The second is the exile of the erotic within the sexual itself. The erotic is exiled to a very limited domain within the sexual: transgressive or illicit sexuality which breaks your own boundaries.

We have gotten to the point where we cannot even find the erotic in most of the arenas of the sexual. In order to touch that intense desire which brings us to a place deep in the infinity of the moment — on the inside of the inside — many people need a sexuality which breaks the boundaries their own authentic story. We either downgrade or upgrade sex. The result of the first is adultery, degrading forms of pornography, degrading forms of domination which lose the wonder of sacred play, and all varieties of sexual abuse. There are four major forms of sexual abuse in the western world. Rape, sexual harassment, name rape which is bearing false witness about a sexual encounter and gang name rape which is when the frenzy of masculine shadow moves to socially and spiritually kill a friend or colleague, all to often under the guise of protecting the “powerless women.”

The second expresses itself in the search for sex in the form of the ideal true love. It is of course so ideal that it is inaccessible, leaving us forever fantasizing about the perfect lover or reading endless varieties of the same sexy romance novel. We are desperately searching for eros in all the wrong places.

marc gafni
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