Pseudo Eros, Gossip and Emptiness: Marc Gafni

marc gafni
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At our spiritual retreats, which are not geared towards drug or alcohol problems, people were thrown for a little bit of a loop by the opening talk which I gave at Orientation. It usually starts something like this: “I know you are all addicts — but I promise you it will be okay. You can break the habit. Indeed here at Bayit Chadash we insist you let the addiction go”. At this point everyone is looking at each other — asking in silence, ‘What is he talking about? We’re not addicts. Did we come to the wrong place?’

I keep on in this vein for some time until someone is finally fully exasperated and shouts out. “But I’m not an addict!” At which point I suggest to check that claim, we need to define addiction. The definition that emerges is always something like, “Addiction is anything you are incapable of refraining from doing for 24 hours that is not essential to your physical health.” After that is agreed, I pose the following question: “How many people here believe casual gossip about other people’s ostensible shortcomings is essential for your physical health? How many people have succeeded in going twenty-four hours in their lives without talking negatively about someone else?” The place slowly gets very quiet. We realize that almost all of us are addicted to negative gossip. We cannot go 24 hours — or much less time – without negative gossip! We are addicts!!

When you think deeply about it, you realize that talking about other people is one of the easiest ways to engage conversation. Deeper still, it is one of the easiest ways to fill the emptiness. It is a form of pseudo eros, a shortcut to fullness. At our retreats, rather than maintain silence, which is relatively easy, we invited everyone to mindful speech.

marc gafni
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please share comments on info@marcgafni.com