Giving in Love: Part Thirteen: Eros and Agape: Marc Gafni

marc gafni

In the language of the Kabbalists, giving moves you from narrow constricted consciousness to mochim de gadlut, expanded consciousness. This is critical to understand because what it means is that agape and philia lead to Eros.

In the Greek thought which formed much of Western consciousness, agape and philia represent what are generally called the ‘non-erotic loves’ of giving, caring and concern.

In Hebrew mysticism, agape, philia and eros collapse into one erotic continuum. Care, concern, and giving are inextricably intertwined with passion and ardor. Once you give to a person you always start to love them.

Is there someone you simply do not like at work, but have to ‘put up with’ all day? Bring them a present. And witness the subtle shift in your own, not to mention their, attitude.

To be a lover, then, means to be there even when the feeling is not. In the good months and the bad months, in the heat of passion and in the cold dreariness of life at its toughest. When you say “I love you,” what you are really saying is that you will stay even on the days when you can’t fully access the depth of that passionate love.

To stay does not mean to stay in whatever the context of yesterday may have been. It may mean to stay married, it may not.

To stay means to stay open, loving and committed to decency, integrity, goodness, forgiveness; to stay means I will not move to hurt or de-humanize you. To stay means we will be deep friends and family forever and you will not let the wounds of love turn you into a murderer even if i can get away with in public. To stay means I will always love and give towards your highest unfolding even if we have not stayed “together”.

That is the gift of true love. Eventually it is only in the dynamic of commitment that the heart opens in a way that outlasts the vagaries of time and the fickleness of human emotion.

marc gafni
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